In the sovereignty of God, our church is experiencing some conflict as it relates to my imperfect leadership as we attempt to implement a culture of peace. Chapter 4 is titled "Is This Really Worth Fighting For", and it's a question the leadership was asking itself tonight. As it relates to an impassioned pursuit of the unity of God's people, and a devotion to the Biblical instructions for resolving problems - the answer is YES!
As it relates to my reputation as the pastor, my timeline for implementation, my feelings being protected from probing questions, or any of the things that I want that God has not required - the answer is no.
I'm encouraged by these lines from pg 85, "...Lord, I rejoice that this conflict has not happened by accident. You are sovereign and good, so I know that you are working through this situation for your glory and my good."
Leaders of Faith Baptist, God has called us to faith and courage. Let us be diligent to cry out to God for His grace and wisdom. Let us be committed to only moving ahead according to Biblical wisdom, and without doubting. Let's speak the truth in love. May God help us.
Quotations are from: The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande (Baker Books, 3d ed., 2003). Peacemaker® Ministries. www.Peacemaker.net
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"
Matthew 28:19 KJV
Matthew 28:19 KJV
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Before we try to point out someone else's faults, we must deal with our own faults. We must first examine our own role in the conflict.
The majority of conflicts fall into two areas: Material and Personal. And many times both are present in the conflict.
Material conflicts can usually be resolved thru negotiation.
Personal conflicts are harder to solve as they deal with emotions and the resolution deals with confession by one or both parties, loving correction (make sure it is loving), and forgiveness. It is easy for personal conflicts to escallate in dificulty. It is usually helpful (but more difficult) to address personal issues first and this often leads to progress on material issues.
Scripture tells us to overlook minor offenses. We also need to examine our attide by comparing it to God's Word!!!
I really like the 5 principles the Apostle Paul laid out for us in maintaing a good attitude when we are involved in a conflict.
1) Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS - Be God centered.
2) Let your Gentleness be evident to ALL - Show Grace as God has shown us Grace.
3) Replace Anxiety with Prayer - Let God resolve the conflict.
4) See things as they REALLY are - Focus also on the GOOD in others, NOT just the bad.
5) Practice what you've learned - Now, go out and DO IT!!!
These are 5 powerful principles to LIVE BY, not just for conflict resolution!!!
I also liked the part about considering the cost of an unresolved conflict. An unresolved conflict consumes our time, our money, and our energy; and will leave us emotionally and Spiritually exhausted.
We as Americans are constantly taught we have rights, and it is our right to exercise our rights. The writers of our our Declaration of Independence even said we have God given rights to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. We have a whole Bill of Rights guaranteed to us in our constitution. However, the author quotes Supreme court Justice Scalia as stating "What is lawful is not always right. Confusing the two concepts is particularly easy for the English-speaking because we use the word 'right' to both refer to legality and moral appropriateness. We say we have the right to plead the fifth amendment and refuse to answer questions...even when the consequences of exercising that 'right' may cause an innocent person to be convicted. Exercising such a right is certainly wrong."
As the author points out mankind really has only one right, the right to eternal separation from God because of sin. Yet God does not plead the 5th or any other of the myriad of rights He could exercise. Instead He extends mercy and grace towards us in forgiveness.
Christ had the ultimate right to be God, He was God, yet he freely gave up that right and humbled Himself out of obedience to become of no reputation, became a man, and even more He humbled Himself to the point of dying a horrific torturous death on the cross for us. And what are we to do; claim our rights? No, we are told to have the same mind as Christ in us. (Phil 2:5-8) We want to claim our rights when dealing with others out of pride because we want to defend our reputation. Yet Christ who was God, freely and joyfully made Himself of no reputation for us. So in like fashion we are commanded by scripture to willingly give up our reputation, our claim to any personal rights and be merciful to others just as Christ and God the Father were towards us. As Christ taught our first thought should not be our rights, but the mercy and forgiveness we can extend to others. (Lk 6:35-36; Matt 5:2-12) For as James 2:12-13 reminds us, "Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law of liberty which gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment."
If I ever fail to demonstrate mercy, over my rights, please correct me.
Jerry Brown
I like page 81. Sometimes it's hard to separate material & personal issues, but separating them and dealing with the personal issues. Now, are those personal issues really worth arguing over? Some are, but need to be addressed lovingly. Some are not since I'm just trying to fight for the rights that I really don't deserve.
I read this chapter in the airport and on the plane. I thought, if all of these people thought this way wouldn't our country be a great blessing to our Lord? Let's start with our Faith Family and spread it out from there.
“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Prov 19:11)
“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” (Prov 17:14)
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8)
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Eph 4:2)
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13)
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities”. (Ps 103:8-10)
From the Peacemaker, “Overlooking an offense is not a passive process in which you simply remain silent for the moment but file away the offense for a later use against someone … Instead, overlooking is an active process that is inspired by God’s mercy … To truly overlook an offense means to deliberately decide not to talk about it, dwell upon it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness. If you cannot let go of an offense in this way, if it is too serious to overlook, or if it continues as part of a pattern in the other person’s life, then you will need to go and talk to the other person about it in a loving and constructive manner.”
And, from Phillippians 4:2-9:
1. Rejoice in the Lord always.
2. Let you gentleness be evident to all.
3. Replace anxiety with prayer
4. Trust in the peace of God
5. Dwell upon those things which are pure, lovely, and praiseworthy.
I think that these concepts speak for themselves, along with a very pointed section on “our rights” that asks the question, “where would you spend eternity if God administrated justice that was not tempered with mercy?” i.e. exercised His rights.
Sincerely,
Frank Hannum