Chapter Eight of Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker is titled "Speak the Truth in Love". I was challenged by the author's personal testimony of growth (and continuing need) to weave the gospel into conflict resolution. I felt he described a wonderful way of doing that on page 172. He was encouraging us to "Talk from Beside, Not from Above" and made the following suggestions, "Acknowledge your present, ongoing need for the Savior. Admit ways that you have wrestled with the same or other sins or weaknesses, and give hope by describing how God has forgiven you and is currently working in you to help you change."*
I know how encouraging it is to me when others approach me that way, but I find it so unnatural to start a difficult conversation that way. I want to grow (need to grow) so much in my personal appreciation for what Jesus did for me on the cross. I pray that by His grace the gospel will become an increasingly natural part of my speech, even (and especially) when trying to gently address a person's sin or resolve a dispute.
*Reprinted or adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande (Baker Books, 3d ed., 2003). Peacemaker® Ministries. www.Peacemaker.net.
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"
Matthew 28:19 KJV
Matthew 28:19 KJV
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Another important point Ken makes is to listen, really listen to what others are saying. I was once told that the reason God gave us two ears and one mouth was to tell us that we should listen twice as much as we speak.
Additionally, when we do speak, it needs to be clearly, truthfully, constructively, and lovingly done. We need to let the Grace of God show thru us. In order to know what that is, we need a "moment-to-moment" relationship with God!!!!
I was convicted by Ken's admonition to "recognize Your Limits" on page 182. "You can raise concerns, suggest solutions, and encourage reasonable thinking, but you cannot force change." All we can do is plant the seed, then leave it to God to water and work his perfect will out in us.
He also says "If you prayerfully prepare, speak the truth in love, and do all you can to effectively communicate your concerns to the other person, you will have succeded in God's eyes regardless of how others respond." Amen! Success even in failure. Only with God!.