WHOA! Please forgive the delay in posting...
For those of us who may not have grown up in a Biblical Peacemaking Culture, one of the most frightening prospects is considering how far this is supposed to go. Are we supposed to be trying to resolve every tiny little difference of opinion, or schedule a meeting every time someone looks at us funny. Life seemed full already, now I'm going to be engaged in 24/7 peacemaking!!!
Chapter 7 of The Peacemaker is so encouraging. The practical wisdom about what can and should be overlooked versus what must be addressed is a gold mine. We're taught that anytime we're aware that someone has something against us - it's time to go restoring (Mt 5:23-24), but when does God expect me to talk to someone who has wronged me or is caught in sin? This chapter provides extremely helpful guidance to answer that question.
I was most encouraged by application question #4 on pg 160, which helps evaluate when someone's sin is too serious to overlook. The specific questions given to ask ourselves like: "Is it [the sin of another] dishonoring God? If so, how?"* are just the sort of objective questions I need. They guard me from my two common extremes of 1)not wanting to get involved, or 2)wanting to nail someone to the wall.
*Reprinted or adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, Ken Sande (Baker Books, 3d ed., 2003). Peacemaker® Ministries. www.Peacemaker.net.
"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit"
Matthew 28:19 KJV
Matthew 28:19 KJV
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Restoration is more than confrontation. It is to be done in a more loving manner than an eye to eye, toe to toe listing of faults. Jesus, by example, used an indirect approach at times, as did Paul and Esther. This approach doesn't come across as attacking and condeming.
Resolution isn't always achieved one-on-one. Getting others involved as mediators, even from the on-set, is acceptable and sometimes most desireable.
These Conflict Resolution principles apply to our dealing with non-Christians also. But our approach might be a little different in that interests and values might need to be used in place of Scripture.
There is a lot of good stuff in this chapter.
I'm aware of some FBC members caught in the sin of an addiction. I approached one a few months ago in the most loving way I knew how. I didn't want to, but felt compelled by scripture to do so. He was very receptive to my confronting him about it, and said that he was already feeling the Holy Spirit's conviction about it. I offered to be an accountability partner for the matter and he accepted. What a blessing to me to be used by the Lord and be received in love by my brother! It took months of praying for courage and the right words to say along with self examiniation of the log in my eye before I could approach him though.
I'm aware of some other saints I believe are caught in the same addiction and have been praying for them and for courage for months. Pray that the Lord opens another opportunity for me to be used again soon.
That's not really what I wanted to write about for this chapter, but it's certainly related. Page 152 & 153 give references to our responsibility to gently show our brother their sin. Page 153 says "Although these verses endorse constructive confrontation, they are not a license to be a busybody." We are not to be looking for opportunities to point out others faults, but simply ready to do so if the Spirit leads. Ken goes on to say "In fact, anyone who is eager to go and show a brother his sin is probably disqualified from doing so."
Apparently, I'm a "good confronter" with FBC members since I would "prefer not to have to talk to others about their sin but will do so out of obedience to God and love for others." It's just that "will do so" part that I'm struggling with, since it requires so much courage to conquer the fear of confrontation.
On the other hand, as a husband and father, I lean toward the other extreme. I have no problem boldly pointing out faults to my immediate family before I do self-examination. (I can hear the amen's now!) So, I'm now more convicted about this "sign of pride and spiritual immaturity" that Ken points out. I resolve to work on both of my extremes.